David Duchovny's sex act slip!

  John Wayne gives drunken speech

  Elvis insists he's not "strung out!"

  Mike Tyson's words of wisdom


Steve Ballmer goes nuts!


Ross Perot's sex secret!


"Ladies and Gentleman, we're approaching our station at the entrance to Main Street U.S.A, gateway to the seven themed lands of the Magic Kingdom." Those immortal words were spoken by none other than the great JACK WAGNER. Known as "The Official Voice of Disneyland," Wagner's work can still be heard on the monorail reminding everyone in English and Spanish to "Please stand clear of the doors." This rant was sent to us by a friend in Los Angeles who asked to remain anonymous. It's actually a humorous collection of multiple rants and blunders edited together in a sort of nutty "party mix."

Related links:
1972 Jack Wagner Express Monorail text
DJ Technoid's Disney Site (Contains Wagner technomix!)
Official Disneyland web site
Read email from people offended by this rant

Our promise:
All celebrity dialogue is 100% authentic and uncut "open mic" recordings!

Get the rants on CD!
Hear the full length uncensored raw rants on audio CD! The album features 16 hilarious "open-mic" bloopers and blow-ups that were too outrageous to put on our web site! It's the Best of Celebrity Rants: Volume One! Now you can listen to these hilarious out-takes anywhere without the need for a damn computer! Buy now!


CelebrityRants.com is a work of parody and intended for entertainment purposes. This site is optimized for Windows XP and Microsoft Internet Explorer 4.0 or higher. Currently we do not support AOL or the Macintosh. © 2003 CelebrityRants, Inc. Celebrity Rants and the Celebrity Rants logo are trademarks of CelebrityRants, Inc. Unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited. No celebrity was harmed in the making of this site.

10.01.03 v6.0